Orbit and Contact
by MorganD
Summary: Shounen Ai ClowYue. Clow Read is caught in the middle of a particularly distressing debate about the importance of the Moon.


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Orbit and Contact  
_by Morgan D._

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Card Captor Sakura and its characters belong to CLAMP and Kodansha.   
Gareth Wilcox and Tata belong to me, but if you wish to borrow them for your own fics, I'm cool with that.  
About a younger Clow than the one we know, hence probably sounding somewhat OOC.  
Shounen Ai.

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Glossary:  
Onegai_ - please_

**

~*~

**

"Good Lord! I never met a man more stubborn than you, Read!"

Calmly sipping his tea, Clow Read grinned. He thought exactly the same about the young red-haired man sitting casually on the Persian carpet of his music room. "Just because your logic fails to convince me, it doesn't mean I'm deaf to it, Gareth."

"What part of my logic fails to convince you? You deny that the Sun is a light and heat source of infinite power? Or that the Moon is just a dead rock hovering over our heads?"

"Now isn't that the most perfect description of me and Yue?" Kerberus purred contently from the cuddly nest he had found under Gareth's warm petting. His large body was stretched lazily on the carpet, tainting the delicate pattern with lost strands of his golden fur. No feathers though, as he had made his wings vanish in order to better savor that heartwarming massage on his back. 

Gareth rewarded the lion's support with a soft scratch on his left ear, right down the crimson-jeweled earring. "I'm afraid your maddening master has his erratic mind still stuck in the Ptolemaic astronomy, dear Kerberus. He still thinks there can be balance between Sun and Moon, as if they orbited the Earth in similar trajectories."

"And I'm afraid our dear friend Gareth forgets that one of the purposes of magic is rivaling what we call the Physical Reality," Clow suggested in the same mild tone and a mimicry of the boy's mellifluous English. "The Ptolemaic geocentric system might have been outgrown by the latest developments in scientific observation, but it's still excellent poetry."

"Poetry?!" Gareth gasped.

"I do acknowledge that I'm not the center of the universe," stated the wizard.

"Please someone make him write this down and sign it!" Kerberus groaned. 

"But I am the center of my life and my magic," Clow went on, ignoring his Guardian's moody intervention. "And I have no discernible recollection of ever dancing around the Sun. As days and months go by, I see it gliding gently around me, awaking me for breakfast, heating and cooling periodically to warn me of the changes of season, and kindly hiding when I begin to feel tired, hungry and ready to embrace the night. And it might be hotter and bolder, but not in any way more glorious than the enchanting Moon."

"It's Yue who awakes you for breakfast," Kerberus pointed out.

Gareth chortled. "Read wakes up with the Moon! No wonder he's so queer."

For some reason Clow found that particular comment very disconcerting. "That's because my Sun Guardian blatantly refuses to open his eyes before ten o'clock. Maybe instead of a lion I should have made him a lark."

Kerberus showed him the tongue and let his head rest on Gareth's thighs. "Crackpot."

"But then poetry is the only thing that justifies the existence of the Moon," the redhead insisted. "So the Moon is glorious, enchanting, alluring. But it's useless! Get rid of the Sun and what happens? The soil frosts, the crops wither, the animals die, mankind perishes. Now erase the Moon from the skies. The worst consequence? A bunch of poets looking for another job."

"Now who's stuck with Ptolemaic astronomy?" asked a feminine, heavy-accented voice from the other side of the room. "You aren't considering the mutual effects of satellite gravitation."

A bit startled, Gareth turned to look at the middle-aged woman sitting on the piano bench with a teacup in her spidery hands. He had been so engrossed in the debate that he had forgotten all about her presence. "But we aren't talking about Physical Reality, remember? This is all about Read and his universe. The Sun has set; he's tired, hungry and ready to embrace the night. Why does he need the Moon?"

"To make the embrace worthwhile, of course," she winked.

The redhead frowned. "You lost me, Tata."

Clow cleaned his throat. "I suspect that what Tata is trying to tell you is that the Moon commands the night and its subtle seasons. Faster than the Sun, the Moon shifts its shape and bright to either illuminate or blind us in the cold darkness. More accurate than the Sun, it displays the passing of time with more precision. And if the Sun keeps the fluidity of the oceans, it's the Moon that rules their tides and virulence."

Tata arched an eyebrow. "Was that what I was trying to say?"

Leaning his head back against the back of his large red armchair, Clow rolled his eyes. "The Moon is also blamed for the women's frenzied mood swings and periodic strange behavior."

Gareth blushed at the indelicate remark. What a thing to say to a lady! Even if she was eccentric enough to walk on the streets of England wearing that exotic yellow sarong of hers. 

But Tata just laughed and rested her cup on the piano, letting her fingers play distractedly with the keyboard. "You're such a brat, Blue-eyes. I should have given you a good spanking when your rear was small enough to fit in my hand."

The tint on Gareth's cheeks matched his hair. What a thing to **_hear_** from a lady!

"You did that, Tata," Clow snorted. "Several times."

"I think your efforts on trying to extract rationality from Blue-eyes are praiseworthy, Gareth," Tata commented. "Don't feel discouraged if you don't succeed. You really chose a hard adversary."

Kerberus rolled on his back and gazed up at the young man with pleading eyes. "Please, Gareth! You **_have_** to succeed! Don't give up!"

The redhead chuckled and stroked the lion's belly. "You see, Read? It's three against one."

"Only if all three have the same objective," Clow retorted. "But you, dear Gareth, are trying to convert me to the discoveries you found in Cambridge. Kerberus is collecting insults to throw at Yue in their next skirmish, like 'dead, useless rock hovering over our heads'."

"Don't forget about the 'frenzied mood swings' and 'erratic behavior'," the Sun Guardian smirked. "That fits too."

"And someday I will find out what is Tata's objective in pestering me," the wizard grinned at the woman. "It's a matter of honor."

"Well, if you're trying to erase the Moon from the skies or get rid of Yue, don't count me as your ally," she shrugged. "Perhaps I should remind you that Moon magic is an ancient tradition in my family. And I'm very fond of Blue-eyes's Moon lark."

Clow stood up from his chair to lay his cup on the low table and hide a wince of contempt. His guests' attitude was to be expected; they have been just like that for as long as he had known them. After all, friendships weren't made only out of admiration and affinity, but had to count on a good dosage of criticism and freedom to express it. However, the imagery created by Tata's observations was truly bothering him tonight.

"Speaking of the devil," said Gareth, looking around. "Where's Read's Moon lark? I haven't seen him since this morning."

"He's avoiding you," Kerberus replied wickedly. "He knows he's not a match for your brains, no matter how hard he tries."

That earned the lion another nice session of petting. That young man's visits made him **_sooooo_** happy...

"Or perhaps he just doesn't enjoy listening to your theories regarding the Moon," Tata sniffed.

"Hey, it's not personal," Gareth said defensively. "I have nothing against Yue." He smiled at the large feline purring on his lap and fell over him with a tickle attack. "Even if he's not nearly as charming as this one!"

That act destroyed any possibility of keeping up with the philosophical discussion, as Kerberus roared in uncontrollable laughter, he and the boy rolling on the floor and making a serious mess of the Persian carpet. Clow cautiously stepped out of the way, and pulled his precious armchair to safety. 

It was only natural that Gareth Wilcox preferred Kerberus. For starters, the boy was the typical 'cat-person'; his mother kept dozens of them in their house and he fed and played with each of them whenever he was there. And Kerberus just loved to be fed and played with. The Sun Guardian's permanently energetic humor was perfectly mirrored in Gareth's sunny and playful disposition, and once they started a game it was impossible to stop them -- all Clow could do was wait until they were worn out, and hope that it wouldn't take the whole day. The boy's yearning for knowledge might have brought him closer to Yue, but their methods and pace made it impossible for them to walk together. Yue would dig a single subject until he had absorbed every detail and subtlety of it, while Gareth would jump from topic to topic, curious and passionately. 

And naturally, rolling on the carpet with Yue, tickling and laughing, was inconceivable. 

Before that strange thought had fully registered, Clow sighed sadly. It was a shame; Yue had such a velvety skin... and a beautiful laughter. 

A particularly disharmonic chord on the piano rescued the magician from that definitely disconcerting imagery. And sent him into a maze of uncertainty as he found Tata staring at him with the most dreadful, inquiring, **_knowing_** look.

Despite all the fabric of his cobalt blue outfit, white draped shirt and his favorite cloak, Clow Read suddenly felt completely naked.

**

~*~

**

As it turned out, Yue had spent the afternoon in the kitchen, fretting about dinner. Which showed the Moon Guardian's determination in not being in Gareth Wilcox's way -- domestic chores weren't something Yue would attend to so devotedly. He would gladly cook for his master, and that was as far as he went. Kerberus? Let the Sweet Card take care of his meals. The winged lion would seldom ask for real meals anyway, and his body didn't extract any benefit or damage from food. Neither did Yue's, and since he thought of indulging in gluttony as inadmissible behavior for a magical creature, he rarely ate at all. 

So it wasn't much of a surprise when, after seeing that everyone was comfortably seated before a generous portion of good-looking, good-smelling and good-tasting food, the Moon Guardian excused himself and tried to flee to the library.

"You're not going anywhere, honey," Tata objected. "Blue-eyes is too unpredictable. He might suddenly decide to sail back to China and I won't be able to see you for another decade, like it happened last time."

"Mother had summoned me," Clow argued defensively, at the same time wondering why he felt such need to justify his decisions to her.

"The old hag is always summoning you," Tata shrugged. "Most of the time you just ignore her."

"Tata, don't be rude," Gareth moaned. "It's Read's mother you're talking about."

"She knows what I think of her," the woman insisted, her accent becoming more truncated with the flow of emotions. "And she has no problems telling me what she thinks of me either. And **_still_** she asks **_me_** to keep an eye on her precious first-born when he's in England."

From the special divan he used to sit at the table with the others, Kerberus muttered his discontentment, without stealing his attention from the full plate in front of him. "That's what he has **_me_** for. Oh, and him too," he pointed at Yue, faking an afterthought.

"I don't understand, Tata. If you don't like each other, why does she trust you with her son?" Gareth frowned, sipping his wine.

"Because Blue-eyes has as much chance of deceiving me as he has with her," she smirked. "And he's becoming more of a deceitful brat as he grows old."

The redhead turned to the host at the head of the table and snickered. "So your mother keeps you in even shorter reins that mine uses to restrain me! Good Lord, you must be the devil incarnate."

"That's what I've been saying all along!" Kerberus exclaimed, fangs finding delicious prey in the meat of a roasted deer. 

"The Li clan women aren't any better," Tata sighed. "But their talents are to be respected, and their interests, regarded. So I'd never refuse your mother a favor, no matter how arrogantly she demands it." She pointed at Clow with her knife. "But you make my mission harder when you decide to leave out of the blue, without even saying goodbye."

"I'm not fond of farewells, Tata."

"They're necessary, kid. Someday you will learn that." The point of her knife turned quickly to the door that led to the library. "But no one here is saying goodbye to you, honey. So quit your escape attempts and come sit near this old witch."

Clow noticed with amusement that Yue had been trying to sneak out of the dinning room while their attention was diverted by the conversation. Was he that miffed at young Gareth's presence?

A second divan, identical to Kerberus's, floated calmly from its place against the wall to land right beside Tata's chair. She patted the brown cushioned seat with a seductive smile. "Don't be shy, honey. If Gareth starts on one of his get-rid-of-the-Moon lectures, I'll tell his mother about his little indiscretions in Cambridge."

The boy gaped in horror. "What?!" Dead paleness and fiery reddening competed for control of his cheeks. "How... how did you...?"

Yue grinned at the woman, wicked pleasure evident in his eyes. "She didn't." Resolutely, he joined them at the table, sitting elegantly on the divan, carefully folding his wings at his back.

A similar grin could be seen at Clow's lips. "I'm afraid you just fell in the oldest trick in Tata's book, Gareth."

The redhead gazed at all those smirking faces around him, a shudder of panic rushing through his limbs. "I beg your pardon?"

"Undergraduates are always committing little indiscretions," Tata chuckled. "And they're all so afraid of people finding out and telling their families."

The fiery reddening won the battle and painted all the visible skin in the young man's body. "I see. And I just betrayed myself." He glared at her, trying to gather a last bit of confidence. "But you don't know what I did, so you can't threaten me."

"But now I know for certain that you did something," she countered. "I don't even have to find out what it was. All I need to do is suggest to your mother that there is something to be found; she'll do the rest."

All confidence evaporated. Everyone who knew Lady Wilcox knew she would do just that. He kept the dark glowering for a long minute more, before exploding in laughter. "You **_are_** an old witch indeed, dear Tata. I'll remember never to stand in your way."

"Good," she winked, and returned her attention to her meal. "You're definitely getting good at this, honey."

"Thank you," Yue murmured with a courteous nod.

Clow agreed silently with the praise. For someone who seldom ate and found little pleasure in cooking, Yue was becoming amazingly skilled. Following a recipe was an easy task for anyone with minimal intelligence -- and fingers, Clow mentally added, thinking of some of Kerberus's disastrous adventures in the kitchen. But the combinations of different dishes, the improvisation with different herbs and sauces, the right choice to the right weather... those only came with practice and dedication. And why would the detached, proud Yue care about any of that?

Seeing the way his Moon Guardian smiled tenderly at Tata and accepted the mouthfuls of meat she offered him from her own fork, Clow comprehended it. 

Yue had cooked this exceptional dinner for her. 

It wasn't as obvious as preparing her favorite dish, no. The clues were in the arrangement of the table, in the color combinations between tablecloth, china and salad, in the faint scent of paprika, in the choice of the beige embroidered napkins that lacked the host's monogram. Details too inconspicuous to call Kerberus or Gareth's attention, but that would certainly please Tata and...

...what was supposed to be his own reaction? Clow was sure that the sly Yue was sending him a private message. What could that be?

"Yue, you know I mean it, don't you?" said a jovial Gareth. "Even when Read eventually admits that I'm right, this has nothing to do with you. Or with Moon magic wielders," he amended, bowing his head to Tata. 

"I understand that, Sir Wilcox," Yue replied flatly, in flawless scholastic English. "I respect your opinion."

The young man flinched, as he always did whenever Yue called him 'Sir Wilcox'. Clow began to realize that there was more in that Yue-versus-Gareth scuffle than he had assumed at first. "Excellent," the boy grinned nervously. "I was afraid you might get offended."

"Not at all," Yue assured him. "After all, you're simply trying to point out that Master Clow created Kerberus based on a wrong premise." He smiled coldly. "Like you said, I have nothing to do with that."

The wild turn on the argument left the winged lion literally dizzy. "What?!"

"I didn't have the opportunity to listen to all of Sir Wilcox's arguments," the Moon Guardian observed. "But I understood he believes there can be no balance between Sun and Moon because the former is a light and heat source of infinite power. Well now, the infinite can only find a match in the infinite itself. The infinite dark and cold can only be infinite if it never meets the infinite light and heat, because one would destroy the other to preserve their perpetuity. This dilemma decrees the total impracticability of creating Guardians based on infinite symbols, since they can never be together. Therefore, the creature chosen to be my pair should have been one that could be in balance with me: a humbler, quieter, less overpowering being. And I happen to agree with that concept."

What made Yue's blow perfect was, of course, the impeccable emotionless tone of his alto voice and the absurd blankness in his demeanor. Kerberus would probably spend a few days nursing a sore pride after that. Gareth seemed as lost and baffled as if someone had pulled down his pants in front of the Queen and the entire Court. And Tata's loud chortle wasn't doing their spirits any good.

Clow closed his eyes, hiding his lips behind the napkin and trying not to look as pleased as he felt. Let the scholars worry about Physical Reality. He knew his beloved Guardians as the palm and the back of his hand. They were in perfect balance with him, each pulling at one corner of his heart. He wouldn't change them for anything in this world, or the next. 

**

~*~

**

Surprisingly, the five of them survived the rest of the dinner relatively unscathed. Gareth had made some pitiful attempts to save his theories from Yue's implacable distortions, but as soon as he managed to score a point, the Moon Guardian would turn his arguments against him, not always fairly, but never giving the adversary time enough to recover. Massaging his temples, he alleged a sudden migraine, refused the mint liqueur and tottered to his bedroom in the guests' wing. But Clow wasn't worried. The kid was young and perseverant, and after a good night of sleep he would have a brand new debate ready to start at breakfast. 

Kerberus couldn't care less about the logic of the arguing, and Gareth's conjectures only served him if he could rub his undeniable superiority in Yue's pointy nose. As his ally failed to provide him the tools to achieve his goal, the winged lion chose to glare shards of poisonous spurn at everyone in the dinning room. Thankfully, he had been civil enough not to jump on Yue and rip his neck open in front of his guests. No, after spitting some scornful and resented insults at the unresponsive Moon Guardian -- who had mastered the techniques of looking imperturbable but had probably felt each and every strike --, Kerberus marched proudly to the music room and concentrated on sulking by the unlit hearth. 

With the help of Move and Bubbles, Yue took charge of the dishes and cleaning the table, this time seeming less satisfied at the household task, hence looking more like his usual self. That left Clow alone with Tata in the wizard's studio, a tiny glass of green liquid forgotten on his fingers and a scowl on his face, as he couldn't find any comfortable place to sit. "Maybe I should have put my chair here," he murmured to himself. 

"You already carry it throughout the world in all your trips," Tata huffed, stretching on the couch. "Next I'll see you carrying it around the house too. Why don't you duplicate it, or triplicate it? Why don't you have one for each chamber at each house you usually dwell in?"

"That's a thought..."

The woman shook her head in dismay. "It was supposed to be a joke, Blue-eyes!"

Clow smiled. "Did you notice that Kerberus is speaking English with an accent identical to yours?"

"What accent?" she countered defiantly.

"He's a genuine sponge for exotic accents. Two minutes with a Turk in Paris, and he starts speaking French like an authentic Turkish citizen. Of course, he does that mainly to annoy Yue." He sniggered. "It was really funny out there. Despite their choice of allies, Kerberus talked just like you, while Yue had that same mellow intonation Gareth acquired at Cambridge."

"You should hear yourself talking before scoffing at people's accents," Tata snorted.

Clow finally decided to untie his cloak and sit cross-legged on the windowsill. "All right, Tata, get on with it. You've been chiding me with your eyes since I arrived, and it's been four months already. When are you going to tell me what I did to make you so disappointed?"

"I'm not making any mystery of it," she sighed.

"Because I left without saying goodbye? I'm really sorry... it was all very sudden, I got the letter from Mother and I only had the time to leave you that note..."

"Please, if you're going to lie to me, at least find a better excuse," she snapped. "You've been doing everything to run away from her and the whole Li clan since you became old enough to travel on your own. And you were here, in your father's lands, because you knew nothing could rile her more. Whatever reason she gave you to go back to her, you could always allege that your father's legacy needed your attention, and she couldn't argue that. But then, unexpectedly, at the most convenient moment for you, the old hag finally wins over your obstinate reluctance and you go away, without consulting me, without asking me to reason with her, without giving me any explanation but a quick, mushy goodbye note. There can be no coincidences in this world, Blue-eyes."

It was like being run over by a herd of enraged buffaloes. Clow sipped his liqueur, seeking courage in the sweet burning in his throat. "Why do you say it was the most convenient moment for me?"

"Why don't **_you_** say it to me?" Tata riposted. "It would save us lots of time and saliva if you just admitted it."

The liqueur glass was starting to look too small for the magician. Undressing his cloak also didn't seem to have been a bright idea, as that tingling sensation of standing naked before a crowd returned. "I'm not sure I know what I'm supposed to admit," he offered.

"For starters, that you were running away again. From me."

"But I'd never..." Clow trailed off before saying something really stupid. That was how "_I'd never run away from you"_ would have sounded, considering how frightened he felt right now. "You overwhelm me, Tata."

The woman smiled, her anger drifting. "Your father was my tutor, Blue-eyes. Everything I know about magic and people's hearts I learned from him. You're already a far greater magician than he ever hoped to be, but you still have a long walk to go before being the man he was."

Clow nodded, the truth of her statement filling his soul with chilly emptiness. "The day before I left... you and I had a discussion," he whispered. "A debate, just like these with Gareth."

"So you remember after all," she smirked.

"The subject was similar. You were questioning my procedures in creating my Guardians."

Tata rolled her eyes. "You can do better than that, boy."

He had always thought of his father's studio -- **_his_** studio now -- as a dim place after the nightfall. Tonight the room wasn't nearly dark enough to conceal his flustered face.

Yes, he could do better than that. Her words that evening, ten years ago, were far from forgotten. Dangerous, dumbfounding words that had made so easy for him to accept one of his mother's customary ultimatums. Nightmarish words he had carried with him in his travels, back and forth, just like the old crimson armchair. 

Simple words forming a single question, to which he had no acceptable answer. "You asked me why I created Yue... the way I did."

Strangely, it wasn't a question Gareth would think about. He was more worried about the basics of the concept of balance, and the way Clow had attempted to achieve it. 

Kerberus, Sun, light, warm, outward, instinct, devastation, Western, Yang. 

Yue, Moon, dark, cool, inward, reason, erosion, Eastern, Yin.

Created to be antithetical poles. To nurture a rivalry that would constantly convince them that if one behaved in a certain manner, the other should act in a diametrically opposite way. To help him blend the knowledge and talent he had inherited from his unfathomably contrasting parents. 

As a scholar, young Gareth climbed through this hedge of elusive notions, risking bending the whole structure with the weight of his eagerness, in hopes to find in the other side the world that had been denied to him when he proved to lack the endowment of magic his ancestors were famous for. Clow was fond of the boy for his enthusiasm and curiosity. But as his mind turned obsessively to the enigmas that wafted around him just beyond his grasp, Gareth was oblivious to the manifest question that Tata, with her experience, jumped on with unsettling precision.

"Was it wrong to seek for beauty and perfection?" Clow asked, not managing to sound as defiant as he had intended. "I made them all like that, both Guardians and all the Cards."

Tata drank her liqueur down and reached for the decanter. Her tutor's son had retaken the old discussion from a very early point. She would need more fuel for the voyage. "You didn't consider that ugliness would be in balance with beauty?"

"When you take these theories to the extreme, all you get is self-destruction. Yue was demonstrating this point during dinner."

"Yue was on a sophist run to save his pride, or at least to make his assailants shut up for a couple of hours. He learned that from you."

Clow greeted his teeth. Tata was a stronger adversary in an unfriendly field. "All right then. I didn't consider the balance of ugliness and beauty. I concede you this."

"Why, thank you," the woman sneered sarcastically at him. "Now why don't you give me that whole very enlightening lecture about why you gave him such... how does Gareth calls it?... anthropomorphic qualities?"

"You blame Gareth for every word with more than three syllables, as if you didn't use them yourself."

She laughed. "So I'll concede you this. After listening to so much blabbering I might have sponged his 'accent' too. Now on with the lecture."

Clow shook his head, abandoning his glass on the windowsill. "No lecture, Tata. I don't think I have any that could convince you. I could blabber, as you say, about the duality of animal instinct and human reason for the rest of my life, and you'll still whip me with those piercing eyes of yours until you got the answer you want to hear."

"Blue-eyes, can you honestly say you made Yue look so human just out of philosophy? Gareth could buy that. As clever as he is, he just never understands where true magic comes from."

"Many of my Cards have a human appearance."

"Your Cards are cards! They look human when you summon them, but then they return to being cards. They don't walk so freely around the house, they don't study with you, they don't eat with you, they don't take a nap with their heads on your lap, they don't awake you in the morning and help you to get dressed for breakfast. They aren't so constantly and strikingly human. And you don't have to deal with each of them twenty-four hours a day."

"But what exactly is your point?"

"You know my point. Or else you wouldn't have felt the need to run away." She huffed tiredly. "Don't make me repeat that again."

Clow bit the inside of his cheek, cringing under her reproving tone. Tata had a unique way of making him feel like a clumsy, unrefined little kid; not even his mother could do it so well. At his back, the full moon lit the cloudless night with a fury that would mute all 'dead rock' remarks, charring the tallest treetops with its sharp silver beams. Not a night for blindness in the dark. 

A night for illumination. 

"I wanted my Moon Guardian to be someone I could relate to," he murmured at last. "Someone that would look at me straight in the eye. That would force me to be better."

"Kerberus does all that too," Tata reminded him.

"But Kerberus isn't..." What? What was that quality lacking in him that made Yue's fake humanity so important?

His mind abstractedly flipped the pages of his diaries, looking for a plausible justification. He had cogitated on several animals and mythic figures before settling for a winged golden lion. But right from the first conception Yue had been human-like. Why?

"I wanted an equal."

The words came out softly, almost on their free will. Clow brushed a finger on his lips, as if checking whether they had really moved.

"Did you get one?"

Between Tata's inquisition and the full moon burning his back, he felt completely cornered. "He understands me. I can talk about everything to him. He's not afraid of criticizing me. We can walk together and he can experience things almost exactly like I do: the grass under our feet, the wind on our hair, the strain on our legs, the rose thorns on our fingers, the sweat running down our backs."

"Does that make him your equal?"

"Some say men were created at God's image," Clow shrugged. "But there isn't much equality between creator and creature if the creature doesn't have the power of life and death over the creator. That's a given."

"And you wouldn't give Yue such power," she agreed.

"I confess I'm not that bold." He eyed her curiously. "Don't tell me that is what you're scolding me about."

The woman grimaced. "When you take a theory to the extreme, all you get is self-destruction."

Clow smiled at her, deciding to give the mint liqueur a second try. "I think I've heard that somewhere before."

"But isn't it odd that you'd say you're not that bold?" Tata arched an eyebrow. "You went through so much trouble to create an equal, or an almost equal, for you to be with. Most people would try to find them in the streets, in their neighborhood, in their family. You got to know who-knows how many countries and meet who-knows how many people. At least a good hundred other magicians. At least a good thousand other crackpots. None of them were good enough?"

"I wanted..." He felt his pounding heart breaking apart. "I wanted what I have in Yue."

"Which is..."

"...Yue."

"Your stubbornness won't win me, Blue-eyes."

"I'm not trying to win you. It's as simple as that. I made Yue the way I did because that was what I wanted. That was what I needed." There. That argument sounded definitive enough. Now he could really enjoy the liqueur.

"And why did you need the Moon?"

The green liquid took the wrong turn in Clow's throat and he choked. Tata only rolled her eyes. "Take your time. Think for a moment while you cough."

The magician's eyes automatically fell on the third drawer of his desk, where his mother's last letter was kept, unanswered. She had sounded rather worried about the pirates coming from Kowloon...

Clow got on his feet and turned to the open window, letting the moonlight slap his coward face. "The Moon would orbit closer to me."

The simplest truths were the hardest one, weren't they? In the Ptolemaic system, the Sun was only the 'fourth heaven', hovering around Earth behind Venus, Mercury, and the nearest one, the Moon. And after Copernicus, it was more or less official in the West -- as long as you didn't speak of it loud enough to attract the clergymen's wrath -- that the Sun paid no attention to Earth, and it was mankind that pirouetted around the blazing fireball, begging for its heat.

And the Moon pirouetted around him, close and faithfully, begging for... what?

"He will do just that, you know." Tata's voice surprised him by its proximity. Without his notice, she had come to stand two steps behind him.

"What do you mean?"

"He'll keep that same orbit for as long as you live. Or for as long as you don't tell him otherwise."

He frowned. "You think I should tell him otherwise?"

"You said you wanted an equal."

"He can't be my equal. We already determined that."

"But you still can have what you wanted in an equal."

"What I wanted...!?" Clow gulped. An owl leaped from its perch on a cypress outside, crossing the skies ominously. What he wanted.

He wanted what he had in Yue.

Which was...

...Yue.

Clow spun on his heels, incensed eyes glowering down at the woman. "I don't think I appreciate your suggestions."

"Oh, we already determined that," she grinned evilly. "So when are you leaving to see your dear mother?"

"I can't deny that there are many magicians who create live dummies to fulfill their selfish needs, but for you to think that I'm one of them..."

"I never thought that! Not one of your creations, not even the earliest ones, can be called a live dummy. And if fulfilling your 'selfish needs', as you call them, was all you wanted from an equal... then you're not giving yourself much value."

Clow held his silence, until his voice recovered some calm. "They are my children, Tata. All of them."

"They are what you tell them to be," she retorted. "What your heart tells you they are."

"But, Tata..."

"My father taught me the basics about creating magic living creatures," she told him. "And your father shared the secrets of sentience manufacture with me, the same ones you read in his diaries. But I never created one for me. Maybe I could have used a servant or two, but I've always known my limitations, Blue-eyes. They **_would_** have turned out as living dummies, doing all the horrible tasks I'd demand from them, and never once looking at me the way I wish they would. And frankly, I don't need any reminders of how lonely and arid the life of a sorceress can be."

Suddenly looking very old, Tata sat on the windowsill, adjusting the drapes of her sarong. "I won't live forever, Blue-eyes. And I'm beginning to feel relieved about that. It's been too long."

Clow sat beside her, the weight of the stars falling on his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Tata."

"I just need to make one more question, boy," she said hoarsely. "Then I promise not to pester you anymore."

"I don't want you to stop pestering me."

She smiled, stroking his arm and leaning her head on his shoulder. "Would you write this down and sign it?"

He took her hand in his, caressing the wrinkled fingers. "Gladly."

"Why did you make him so dependent on you?"

Clow sighed. "The Sun can shine on its own, but the Moon reflects..."

"Spare me from your astronomic poetry," she cut him off. "He depends on your magic, like the Cards; Kerberus is the only exception, because you expect him to protect them all if something happens to you. But that's not what I asked."

"Then I don't unde..."

"Why did you make him so dependent on **_you_**?"

The stress on the last word was clear. The objective of the question wasn't. "You think he's too dependent?"

"You never noticed?"

"Are we talking about the same 'he'? I thought you meant Yue."

"So you never noticed," she concluded bitterly.

"Yue?!" He snorted. "I guess **_you_** didn't notice that he didn't say a word to me the whole day."

"Ah," the sorceress perked up. "So you did notice."

"And just how not saying a word to me proves that he's dependent?"

"It doesn't. Unless you consider the Gareth Wilcox factor."

Or rather, 'Sir' Gareth Wilcox. A bit of mystery Clow was determined to figure out. "He doesn't like Gareth's theories. I can't blame me him for that."

"And what do **_you_** think about Gareth's theories?"

"He's just a kid. He thinks the only way of proving his intelligence is by knocking someone else's down. He'll outgrown this eventually."

"But you don't mind listening to him," Tata commented. "You even invite him to spend the summer in your house and prattle incessantly about the uselessness of the Moon."

Taking off his spectacles, Clow rubbed his nose. "Yue knows what I think."

"Are you sure?"

"Don't I spend the whole time refuting his arguments?"

"Yes, you do. Calmly, rationally, sensibly, patiently."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You make that sound as a bad thing."

"Blue-eyes, if I spent my life orbiting a lad that would tranquilly and rationally discuss if I'm useless or not, you wouldn't see me making dinner for him!"

Clow almost dropped his spectacles. That was it! Sly Yue's message with the beige unmarked napkins. He had cooked dinner for the one ally he had at that table. His own master was counted out. "He's mad at me," he realized with a gasp.

"No, he's not," Tata soothed him. "That's why I say he's too dependent. He'd be in his right to be mad at you, and you made him willful enough so he could come here and give you a piece of his mind. But he doesn't do that, not about this particular matter. He prefers to show his resentment by serving me the most delicious roasted deer I ever ate, and getting rid of that ugly monogram of yours." 

"And eating from your plate," Clow added gloomily. "I never saw him accepting food from anyone but me."

"You have the power of life and death over him, Blue-eyes," she said sadly as she got on her feet. "But he has the power of making you feel totally uncomfortable to make such choices. If he's making you only a tiny bit uncomfortable, maybe you should ask yourself why." She snickered. "Or maybe you should ask **_him_** why. Sometimes the direct approach works too."

Sensing the imminent end of the conversation, Clow felt a mix of relief and terror. Tata's words had bruised him mercilessly. But being alone in the night silence with their echo lashing his ears promised to be even more unpleasant. "Tata... the reason I created Yue..."

"Forget that."

"But you..."

"My boy, it's very rare for a man or woman to act on anything but their selfish needs. We eat to fulfill our appetite and gluttony. We sleep to refresh our bodies and minds. We build to grant ourselves comfort and celebrate our pride. We destroy to grant ourselves safety **_and_** celebrate our pride. We live because we hope to be happy and needed. We love for the very same reasons." She ruffled his hair playfully. "You created him. He is the way he is. The only important thing now is what you're going to do next."

"Do I have that many options?"

"You have at least two."

"One..."

"Keep him in close and steady orbit around you."

"Two..." he scowled. "If you're going to say 'erase him', you can forget it!"

Tata looked offended. "Oh dear, I'm not Gareth!"

Clow nodded and breathed deeply. "Right, I apologize. So... keeping him in close and steady orbit or..."

She winked. "...making contact."

The magician wished he could have had more time to blush and feel dirty and ridiculous. Unfortunately, right on the next second Move and Bubbles, in their card forms, flew in through the gap below the door, presenting themselves to their master. A polite knock on the door announced a Moon Guardian coming not too far behind.

"Come in, honey!" Tata called. 

Yue's entry was a proof of how dim the studio had actually been, regardless Clow's somber mood. The Moon Guardian wasn't floating or using any of his powers, and his natural glow shouldn't have been that blinding. But the furious full moon outside paled and recoiled at the presence of that smaller, sharper portrayal. 

"You're a bit... damp, dear," the sorceress smirked.

In fact, Yue's coat was soaked and glued to his skin, and his bangs dripped. "Bubbles was in a good mood," he explained rather laconically. 

Translation: the kitchen was in a mess. But Clow was too tired to care.

"I came to see if you needed anything," Yue said gravely.

And looking straight at Tata. 

"Yes, I need a long night of deep sleep and pleasant dreams about a world without so many crackpots," she stretched out and yawned.

"I could send you Sleep or Dream... or both," the Guardian offered. 

She held his hands and gave him her best smile. "Don't bother. All I need to drowse off is a quick session of philosophical discussion with Blue-eyes. And all I need to have pleasant dreams is to look at you one more time." She stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. "Good night, honey."

Tata always managed to make Yue blush and smile. Clow used to love her for that. Now he was suddenly beginning... not to love her so much. 

And he loved her even less when, just as she crossed the doorframe to the corridor, she turned to his Moon Guardian once more with an afterthought. "If you wish, I can haul Kerberus to his bedroom. Blue-eyes wants to ask you something."

This time Clow really dropped his spectacles. Fortunately they fell on the carpet, unharmed.

Oblivious to his master's panic, Yue shook his head. "Leave that to me. He's grumpy tonight. He could bite you."

It took a couple of seconds to Clow realize Yue was talking about Kerberus, not him. But he did glare at Tata as if he would bite her. 

She just waved and walked blithely towards the guests' wing.

"If there's one prospect that frightens me to the bones is to become as insidious and crafty as she is when I grow old," Clow muttered.

Yue stared at him with a mute, unreadable expression. The magician found himself wishing for a mind-reader Card.

Why **_had_** he made Yue like that? Silent, restrained, sober, majestic... this wasn't an equal. This was epiphany. A boastful dream turned true. 

Five resolute steps forward and Yue was standing before him at less than arm's length distance. The two moons made eye contact through the window clear glass. Clow stood dazedly between them. 

The Guardian knelt quickly to rescue the forgotten spectacles before someone stepped on them. "What is it that you wanted to ask me, Master?"

Clow suppressed an annoyed growl. Yue used to call him by his name in private. Was that part of his resentment?

But at least that offered him a way out of the embarrassment Tata had thrown him into. "Sir Wilcox."

Yue's face was a sphinx mask. "What about him?"

Belatedly, the wizard noted that Yue had shifted to Japanese as soon as they were left alone. He had been created in the Honshu Island, and thus considered the local idiom his first language -- even if he had spoken with very few people there besides Kerberus and Clow himself. It was one of Yue's most interesting quirks. "Gareth is my father's godson," he answered, also in Japanese. "He practically grew up in this house. You and Kerberus used to play with him, along with Maze, Dash and Jump. You were the one who saved his kites from the treetops. Since when did he become 'Sir Wilcox'?"

"He grew up."

"I never heard anyone calling him that! I doubt that even Lady Wilcox's servants call him..."

"Her griffins address him that way, Master."

What Lady Wilcox optimistically called her 'griffins' was actually four dog-sized animals created by her magic, with pigeon heads, cat bodies and zebra stripes. Kerberus had a better chance of being mistaken for a griffin than any of the poor doltish creatures.

They had been planned as essentially ornamental pets; they could talk and sing almost skillfully, but could do little more than that. For Yue to begin honoring their opinion... "Yue, you have a story to tell me, don't you?" 

The Guardian handed him the spectacles and leaned against the wall. "Remember when he asked you if green was a color on its own?"

Clow snorted. That had been a particularly weird discussion, right after he and his Guardians had returned to England. Gareth for some reason had made a matter of life and death determining with scientific precision if green was a "real color" or a "variation of blue". The magician now couldn't even remember what he had told the boy, so eager he had been to get out of that senseless controversy. "Was there a practical issue in all that?"

"The griffins were supposed to be of different colors. Red, yellow, blue, and the fourth was green."

"Was?"

"You sent me to his house to deliver the invitation for the summer," Yue reminded him. "When I got there, Lady Wilcox was finishing the spell that turned the green griffin white."

"Because of that silly argument?" Clow sat back on the windowsill. He definitely had to bring his armchair to the studio. 

"I don't know whom else Gareth had been discussing that with," the Guardian shrugged. "Apparently someone, maybe a classmate, objected that the griffins weren't of different colors because green is simply blue mixed with a little yellow. So he came to you, and you agreed that green isn't a primary color, but ultimately a shade of blue."

"Was that what I told him?"

Yue nodded. "So he went back to his mother and convinced her that having a green griffin was asymmetrical. They thought of erasing the fourth griffin then..."

"What?!"

"...but Lady Wilcox had just taught them a song for four voices. So they ended up just changing the fourth's color to white."

Speaking of selfish needs...

"That's when I started calling him 'Sir Wilcox'," Yue finished. "Just like his griffins do."

Clow could only gawk at Yue in bewilderment. **_That_** explained a lot of what was going on in his house this summer. "I had no idea..."

"You still think of him as the little kid that climbed on your cloak to hang from your neck and beg for strawberry pies, Master. But he has changed."

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" 

Yue tried to brush away the dripping bangs from his face, but they fell over his eyes again. "The griffin didn't hurt," he said distractedly. "The spell was painless, and his mind is too shallow to have any preferences beyond "happy master better than unhappy master". He probably didn't even notice the change. And even if they had decided to erase them, I'm sure they wouldn't have let him suffer."

"That's not the point!!!" Clow exclaimed, shocked at Yue's conjectures.

The Guardian sighed. "No, it isn't. But I..." he hesitated.

"What?" The magician reached up to hold his private Moon's wrist. "What, Yue?"

"I was afraid that's what you would tell me if I mentioned this story to you."

Clow gazed in awe at his creation. Shy, fearful, lonely... this wasn't an equal. This was a child that depended on him. "I'll have a serious talk with that boy first thing in the morning," he promised.

"I know it's not personal," the Guardian whispered. "What he says about the Moon."

"Even if he were, this can't affect you, Yue. For starters, you're not a mindless griffin; he respects you. In that confused head of his there's a big difference between killing a dog and murdering a man, and that's the difference he sees between his mother's pets and you. Even if he had any power to harm you, he wouldn't."

"I know, Master."

Clow stood up and cupped Yue's chin, making sure his catlike eyes were steady on his. "And even if he wanted to harm you, he wouldn't go past me. It's horrible that he feels he has the right to play with the lives his mother creates as if they were animated toys. But he won't touch you because you are mine!"

It was hard to tell who was more startled at those last words, if Yue or Clow himself. They weren't supposed to sound so... possessive. Or jealous. 

Yue's lips curved in a faint lopsided grin. "I'm your Guardian, Clow. It's me who should protect you, not the other way around."

That little threat of a smile right on the palm of his hand... and his name sounding so good in that soft alto voice... "Then do your job right."

The smile vanished instantly, replaced by a look of shock and guilt. "Ma-master? What did I do wrong?"

"If I wanted a mindless griffin to agree with all my decisions, I'd have made one. I didn't make you intelligent and willful just to prove my skills as a magician. I need you to point out my mistakes and warn me about the consequences of my acts when I fail to predict them. If you ever see me hearing what you think to be a clump of rubbish and you fear I might be listening to it, you have the right **_and_** the duty to question me about it and make every effort to put some sense into my crackpot's head." He brushed his fingers through the silver wet bangs, then held his Guardian's face with both hands. "I need you, Yue. Don't fail me."

The Guardian's irises grew and glistened, his chin hardened. He stared at his master like a vulnerable bunny hypnotized by a serpent's gaze. It took a moment for him to find his voice again. "I... I understand, Master. I apologize."

Clow opened his mouth to reply... to reassure him or to apologize for indulging Gareth for so long... but his brain declined to pull any words through his throat, choosing instead to waft passionately around that priceless prey his fingers held captive. How many dreamers had stretched their hands to the Moon in vain hopes of clasping that lonesome, chimerical jewel if only for one brief second...? Did they expect it to feel so smooth and delicate? Did they ever conceive that this perfect gem would stare back at them with such awe and reverence?

A tiny drop leaped from a silvery strand and fell on Yue's cheek, very close to his eye. If Clow didn't know better, he would have mistaken it for a tear.

He had created Yue the way he was. Now... what was he going to do next?

Because his gentle Moon wouldn't move away from its assigned orbit. Yue would remain there, still and waiting, until he was told otherwise. 

And because of that, Yue would never be his equal. 

Clow sighed heavily, and stepped away. "Anyway, you don't need to worry about me listening to Gareth," he said, just to say something. "Not about this."

"Thank you, Master."

The wizard shivered at the honorific. It was bothering him beyond logic tonight.

"Why did you take your cloak off, Clow?" Yue took the garment and tucked quickly around the man's shoulders, raising his wings to block the current of air that came from the corridor. "The summer is about to end. It's getting colder at night."

Clow's eyes widened. Then he chuckled. Loud and delightedly.

"Clow?"

"Oh dear... I just remembered something Kerberus said earlier about frenzied mood swings."

Yue folded his arms and scowled. "I heard that. And it was you who brought it up." He kept his wings in that protective barrier though.

"I was aiming at Tata," the magician tried to defend himself. "But I suppose the whole thing misfired."

"It always does when you try to hit her."

"Someday I'll get her," he winked.

Yue didn't look very confident. "Do you really have to take me with you in this?" he moaned.

"Now you're talking just like Kerberus."

The Moon Guardian sniffed indignantly at that, sending Clow in another chortling fit. "Come, Yue, it's been a long day. I'll help you to haul Kerberus to bed."

Yue twitched his lips, but nodded.

And very unexpectedly, took Clow's hand and held it tenderly in his as they strode towards the music room.

Mesmerized at the simple gesture and his own reaction, the magician let his Guardian guide him around the house, remembering how his father had done the same when Clow had been a scared little kid that easily got lost in the labyrinthine corridors of the large manor. Then the dimness at the corners of the tall ceilings had caused him to fear the sneaking attack of imps and gnomes that wanted to chop his fingers and eat them with sugar and cinnamon, and he would cry if his father let go of his hand. Now the darkness felt warm and cozy to his heart, and he knew for a fact that imps hated cinnamon. 

But still his hand felt stunningly safe where it were, and he had to swallow a sorrowful moan when they found Kerberus and Yue let go of him to rock the sleepy lion. "Kerberus. Wake up."

Resigned to feel a tiny bit jealous, Clow stepped back to watch the show. His Guardians trying to awake each other up was **_always_** a show.

At first the bulky lion just blatantly ignored any interference with his sacred nap, certainly imagining that most people were wise enough not to disturb such a magnificent figure in his inviolable nap. Even at the second series of rocking and hailing, Kerberus still didn't react assuming that even if that was a hell of an unwise being, only a few brassy imbeciles would be so imprudent to keep on disturbing his sacrosanct nap.

At the third series of rocking and hailing, the winged lion growled and covered his ears. "Scat, Yue."

"Go sleep on your bed, Kerberus."

The Sun Guardian shifted a bit, flapping one of his huge wings on Yue, almost accidentally. 

"Kerberus, wake up!"

"I'm fine here."

"No, you're not. When you wake up you'll be moaning about cramps on your back and your fur being all tangled on your head. Go to your bed and take off the helmet, now."

The lion tried accidentally hitting him with the other wing, but Yue blocked the strike just in time. "And what do you care about my back and my fur? You selfish, vain Moon lark."

Clow bit his lip, seeing Yue's surprise at being called that way. Intimately he rejoiced at knowing his Moon lark was a lot more careful, patient, not to mention gentle, when he came to awake him every morning.

"You make **_me_** massage your back, brush your fur **_and_** hear your moaning all day," Yue snorted. "No thanks. You're going to bed."

"I don't need you," Kerberus groaned. "I have Gareth."

"Then I'll ask Clow to give you to him."

The magician blinked at the strange tactic. And blinked again at Kerberus's response to it.

The lion pouted miserably and leaned his head against Yue's belly, hiding his face on the white silky fabric. "No."

"But you're so fond of each other. I'm sure Clow won't oppose it if it's for your benefit and happiness."

Clow would definitely oppose it, but chose to remain quiet and see where this was going.

"No," Kerberus repeated.

"But you could..."

"I said no!" 

"Why not?"

"He'd have his mother put zebra stripes on me!" he wailed.

Yue laughed. He scratched Kerberus's ears, the front of his neck and rubbed his sides until the big lion rolled and lay with the head on his lap. And then he laughed some more. "I guess we'll be forced to keep you then."

Clow had to seek support on the lid of the piano as his heart threatened to burst open. Yue's hand on his... and now...

Velvety skin and a beautiful laughter. If only he could also roll on the floor with him...

His child. Yue was his child.

"Come on, Kerberus," Yue insisted. "Bed. Now."

But the Sun Guardian was giving his best and most proficient puppy eyes. "Awwww... Yue-chan... onegai?"

Yue shook his head in defeat. "You big pussycat..." He looked up at his master. "Little?"

Out of reflex, Clow took the Card out of his cloak's pocket. "Help them," he asked with a suspiciously hoarse voice.

Little jumped forward, hopping around the Guardians with a tinkling giggle, analyzing the situation with his bright orange eyes. Then, with a high-pitched "Weeeee!" little cry, he landed on Kerberus-sama's nose. The next second Yue-sama had a cross-eyed, three inches-long lion on the palm of his hand. 

Yue curved his hand slightly, forming a sheltered niche to protect Kerberus's sacred nap. Little leaped to his shoulder, just in case. Last time he had done that, Kerberus-sama had nearly destroyed his two-pointed hat with his scary, enormous jaws, and Master Clow had had to fix it for him. 

But apparently the Sun Guardian was quite happy with the arrangement, as he curled into a ball and began to snore very loud. "Good job, Little," Yue thanked him. 

Little smiled ear to ear and jumped back into his Card form, diving in Clow's pocket. 

The wizard watched as Yue carefully got on his feet, wary not to rock the precious burden in his hand, and closed the distance between them, his beautiful laughter now mute but still gleaming in his eyes. "At least this is easier than hauling him upstairs," he whispered.

Clow could barely breathe. He had meticulously planned every single detail of Yue's body and essential personality. Every feather, every strand of hair, every millimeter of skin. Every bone, every vein, every blood drop. Moon, dark, cool, inward, reason, erosion, Eastern, Yin.

However, as the creature stared at the creator so reverently and so... casually... he could only wonder... "Do I even know you?"

If Yue was taken aback by the sudden, hardly intentional question, he didn't show. He studied Clow as closely and attentively as he was being studied, allowing only curiosity and a grain of amusement to emerge in his sharp gaze. "I'm yours," he hissed. "I'm whatever you want me to be."

Later, the magician wouldn't be able to tell if he had actually seen his Moon Guardian bowing respectfully and wishing him good night. He would also have no recollection of responding or watching him leave the room with the Lilliputian golden cat purring on his palm. His world had frozen between heartbeats, shutting everything out but those dangerous, dumbfounding, nightmarish words... and the simple and unacceptable reply he wouldn't have dared to utter before another living soul. "No."

Clow staggered to his chair and let his fatigued head rest against the smooth crimson leather. And for once he found no comfort in it. "No, Yue, you are... whatever my heart tells me you are."

If only his heart would start talking in a language he could understand...

**

~*~ owari ~*~

**__

December 16th, 2001

****

Author's Notes:  
_-_ _To those with better knowledge of astronomy: keep in mind that the Sun/Moon debate was held a few centuries ago. What Clow calls "the latest developments in scientific observation" isn't NASA-related. At the time the scholars were still trying to assimilate Newton.  
- Nakuru once said "gender really isn't a question, I'm not even human". I suppose that works for the Cards too, doesn't it? I think of Little as a he, but in the end that's not so relevant.  
- Clow and Yue's story doesn't end here, of course. Look out for a sequel._

This story is part of the **Clow no Tenshi** timeline. Read the rest of the series in my site, _Only the Inevitable _at **http://www.geocities.com/morgan_d_br/cardcaptorsakura.html **


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